Tuesday, February 26, 2008

On Lent and Personal Sacrifice

Observing Lent, the period from Ash Wednesday to Easter, is supposed to help cultivate the discipline of making personal sacrifices, reminding us of the importance of spiritual truths over personal possessions or pleasures.

As many of you know, I am not an overly religious person. I believe in God, I follow the teachings of Jesus and believe that you can find spiritual truths in the Bible. Observing Lent has always appealed to me because I see it as a chance to grow and move forward in my spiritual journey and as a human being.

My Lenten sacrifice was presented to me this year - it was not one I chose.

My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer in January, had the middle lobe of her right lung removed on Valentine's Day. She came home to stay with me and my family until she recovers.

If you've ever taken care of someone, particularly an elderly person, who has had major surgery, you know the amount of personal sacrifice it takes. They depend on you for everything.

You might say, it's your mother, how can that be a sacrifice?

My relationship with my mother has been rocky to put it mildly. I have a lot of resentment, anger and total frustration that built up over the years.

I made the decision when I learned of her illness to take this time to try to work through some of this. I took her into my home to care for her.

This decision was not about her, but about ME. It was about the person that I want to be, it was about losing the burden of those angry feelings through personal sacrifice and spiritual growth.

I understand her better. I know she loves the best she knows how. I have to love her for who she is, she's not going to change. The only thing I can do is change how I react and feel.

A friend sent me a book of daily meditation to take me through this time. I opened it randomly today to this quote:

A wise woman strengthens her family

The influence of a woman on her family is phenomenal - for good or bad. Sadly, some women weaken their families through selfishness, ambition and carelessness. The vigilant, wise, and godly woman holds her family together, makes sacrifices to ensure its stability, and entreats God's blessing with her prayers. You can be that kind woman - the kind that builds up and strengthens. Ask God to help you. He will show you how.

I pray that my family is stronger, now.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Make It Go Away


If I hear of another parent of a friend passing, or another young person with cancer, or another child with disease, I'm gonna run and scream.

It makes me want to do either of two things: Take excellent and better care of myself, or say F it! and eat, drink and be merry until they come to me with the news.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

My Daddy

My Rock. My Cheerleader. My Friend.
November 1, 1934 - February 10, 2007
I'll love you and miss you forever.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Early Valentine's Day

Are you ready to line dance? What are we doing?

My sweet husband and oldest son. Trying to cheer me up. WHY didn't they tell me my coat was not buttoned correctly? I'm totally ragged out because I've been crying a lot today. Daddy's death anniversary and the anticipation of what's ahead. . .

Our backyard Arbor with Tiki Torches and Firepit. Serenity at it's best.

SUCK FACE! We had an early Valentine's celebration because I'll be out of town with my mother on Feb. 14.

My dear sweet precious husband - he's always there, always nurtering, and always taking care of me.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Poud Mama

Yes, I'm shameless~ This is my son on bass guitar when his Jr. High jazz band played in the mall at Christmas.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

One Year Later

This photograph is of my daddy, me, my mother, and my older brother. It was taken in May 2001. What a difference seven years makes.

My Daddy died on February 10, 2007, and just one year later, yep just two weeks shy of one year later my mother is diagnosed with lung cancer. She has surgery soon.

This is another road to go down. We'll manage. Losing a parent is hard. Thinking about losing both of them so close together - is even harder.

Me and my daddy were close. Me and my mother are oil and water. I've got a lot of soul searching to do - I've got to reach into places that before now were unreachable. Interestingly enough - It's a journey I'm looking forward to.